There you are, lying on the couch in your son’s girlfriend's Brandi Melville sweatpants that are as comfortable as the owner is sleazy, watching Love is Blind: the Reunion after a week of feeling battered by the news and the polls and a $200 hamburger dinner thinking, this is good. “I’m out. I’m done. I’ll just scroll gluten free recipes on Instagram for the rest of my days.”
Just me?
Fortunately I remember there’s a Laughter On Call team for the Alzheimer’s Walk and we have a lot of opportunities to bring some laughter to other people who actually might feel worse and I get up and show up. Of course once I’m out in the world, I always feel better.
With this in mind, I decided to get specific about why showing up even when you don’t feel like it is a good idea. I was then reminded that chapter one in my book about maintaining a long, happy marriage using comedian’s tools is actually titled, “SHOW UP.”
Because here’s the thing about showing up when you think it doesn’t matter: it does! This is true not just for work and social events, but even more so when it comes to visiting loved ones with Alzheimer’s. Showing up is like this universal salve for what ails us and the people we love. Here are some concrete reasons why.
1. The “What If” Factor
I don’t mean to lean into FOMO (fear of missing out), but what if something really cool happens and you miss it? Or what if some fiasco or simply a bad idea could have been avoided if you’d been there to weigh in?
On the Alzheimer’s front, despite what a lot of people think, your visit could mean everything to the person and their family. What if you going out of your way sparks a moment of recognition? What if a shared memory makes them smile? Or even better, laugh. Just being there can lead to unexpected connections and moments that mean the world to both of you.
2. The Social Butterfly Effect
Someone mentioned the butterfly effect to me which prompted me to dig around and see how it’s relevant to showing up. And it is! Mired in a lot of butterfly jewelry, there is legit study around the actual butterfly effect. Here’s my favorite quote from the study. “The two pertinent things that the butterfly effect teaches us is that small things matter, and we are all connected to a bigger system. Our action now, today, would have been the result of a previous action and this could in turn, lead to a future action. With one small gesture, you can change somebody’s life.” This alone is a key reason for showing up for each other. You just never know the impact your presence may have. Even if some days you don’t believe this, science has proven its true. If you are healthy enough to not have FOMO be a motivator, this is an even better reason to show up. Missing out on moments also means missing out on what you can bring—and the satisfaction you might receive in return.
3. You’re the Life of the Party (Even If You Don’t Know It)
Sometimes people need you to bring the fun. Or the truth. Or new ideas. Some days it might not feel this way, but if you’re reading this, you probably know something about the value of shared laughter and your presence might be just the contribution that brings comic relief to a situation.
Especially when you go see someone with Alzheimer’s, you might be surprised at the impact you have. Your laughter, stories, and fresh energy may actually make their day. And if you’re really not feeling it, there’s always music to share. Singing or dancing just because you can makes everyone feel better.
4. Free Snacks
This one is kind of silly and yet…it helps. I don’t drink alcohol anymore but I’ll go to a party just for the buttercream. Sometimes that’s enough of a motivator to get me to a gathering or meeting. Something to keep in mind as leaders. Cupcakes in Q4 anyone? As far as visiting a loved one, I often talk about the power of breaking bread with anyone in cognitive decline. I love walking in with a treat and sharing it. There is something primal and connecting about this experience. All the better if it’s food from their childhood.
5. The Gift of Connection
Speaking of connection, this is the greatest antidote to “what’s the point, nothing matters anyway,” paralysis. In my California circles, there’s a lot of talk about not giving up. Progressive leaders are directing the defeated to lean on their community for strength to get back in the ring. Once again it comes back to showing up for, and with, each other. There are always going to be times when we retreat and lick our wounds, and ice cream cones and frosted donuts, but when we come out of our sugar comas we must come together again. And for the undefeated, whenever you’re done throwing the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, maybe you’ll take a breath and remember we all bleed when pricked.
In a world where everyone’s busy, sometimes just showing up is a way of saying, “I care.” Whether it’s a birthday, a random Friday hangout, or a visit to a loved one with Alzheimer’s, your presence means more than you realize. It’s a reminder that friendships and family bonds take effort, and that showing up is half the battle.
So the next time you’re tempted to stay in, remember that the world is filled with surprises just waiting for you to embrace them. Show up, share some laughs, and create memories that make the nachos feel like a distant memory.
And if all else fails, there’s always the option to bring nachos to the party—or maybe even a homemade pie to share. Everyone loves snacks, but more importantly, everyone loves being remembered. Your visit could be the highlight of someone’s day. So, get out there and show up—it matters more than you know!
