“I’m not sure any of these are really my style,” I say, digging through an old Home Goods bag of someone’s used clothing.
“You don’t have a style anymore,” my husband quips back, prompting us both to laugh immediately.
“Fine,” I say dramatically, grabbing some black socks,“take my house, but you’ll never get my sense of humor!”
A couple days before we had lost our home in Altadena to the Eaton Canyon fires, as well as my husband’s job. Laughter, it turns out, is one of the few things, in addition to my SGI Nicheren Buddhist practice, that has kept us somewhat sane in the aftermath of such a shocking, tragic event. Making each other laugh has been a kind of reprieve since the night we evacuated the home we were renting in our beloved neighborhood.
I want to recognize here that humor shouldn’t be a means to deflect from our true emotions surrounding the issue. We are, of course, devastated. About our home we once loved, our neighbors, my husband’s workplace (which was also lost to the fire), and the entire community which we never planned to leave. We would always rave to our friends in other parts of LA about how amazing the neighborhood was. “There aren’t a lot of chain shops and restaurants, but a lot of hiking trails—and we’re friends with our neighbors. And the dogs are friends too!”
I distinctly remember walking our dogs past the Pasadena Waldorf School on our street casually speculating to my husband, “I wonder if our future kid will go here?” I never took living in Altadena for granted. Almost everyday I would think to myself, “We are so lucky to live in such a special place.” A place steeped in history. In Altadena many people of color found refuge in the 1950s and 1960s, obtaining mortgages and dreams that were not possible in the Jim Crow South. Most of these homes, passed down through generations, are gone.
The mourning is still fresh and we are feeling it everyday, in so many different ways. And while crying is cathartic, laughing is a way we can acknowledge our reality without further darkening our spirits According to an essay by Sveinun Sandberg and Sebastien Tutenges, the “Relief theory” of humor suggests that it “may have psychological benefits, such as helping to ease tension, and reconstructing traumatic experiences in a way that makes them more bearable.” I have to agree with this theory. We’ve all heard that “laughter is the best medicine,” I hadn’t thought that included post-traumatic stress from an unprecedented wildfire.
We’re all bound to face unexpected tragedies and obstacles at some point, but we have to move forward. And while it’s okay to feel sad, laughter is a means to break through that sadness, to feel even a second of joy poke out from the depths of our being. If my husband and I were constantly giving in to our emotions, we would never get out of bed, never get outside to see the sun — gosh, never get our paperwork done. Trust me there is A LOT of that right now. Being able to laugh that we no longer have to landscape our dirt backyard, that we lost my husband’s gross old sandals to the fire, or that we don’t have to look at the ugly linoleum floor in the dining room anymore, is essential to our survival. In times like these it’s laugh or fall apart.
We are in awe of the support we’ve received from the community, not just contributions to our GoFundMe pages or donations of things we need, but the true care and effort we feel from friends, family, even perfect strangers. Ordinary citizens in LA are banding together to support each other in so many different ways. It’s hard not to be moved and inspired by the human heart. In fact it is such actual proof that human beings have a real innate potential for compassion. We will continue to pay it forward and help the community in any way we can.
Late SGI Buddhist leader Daisaku Ikeda wrote, “Where there’s life, there’s hope. Hope only disappears when you decide something is hopeless.”
Laughter has helped us create hope in a sad, wobbly, uncertain time. And I plan to keep filling the prescription.
Resources to support the fires in Los Angeles:
- Displaced Black/Latino/Filipino/Disabled Families - GoFundMe Directory
- Mutual Aid Los Angeles Network (MALAN)
- Altadena Girls
- YMCA_LA: FREE essential services, volunteer opportunities & donations
- LAFD Wildfire Emergency Fund
- THEM: Mutual Aid Funds LA Fires
- Our roommate’s GoFundMe
- Our neighbor’s GoFundMe
- Our GoFundMe
- Side Pie GofundMe
