I spent my adolescence in Connecticut where Christmas was born. Or so it felt. At my high school the “Candlelight Concert,” held in December was the highlight of the year for the whole town. We wore white gowns and as promised walked down the aisles of the school auditorium holding candles. By the time I was there they were electric, but only because rumor had it that someone caught on fire one year carrying a real one.
It was all very Gregorian, in fact we sang one of their chants. Delightful, but for the fact that I was not, as a relocated jewish person from New York City, of the manor born, if you will. I mention all this not just as a trip down painful memory lane, but because the holiday season can be tough for a myriad of reasons. In many cases maybe because it rarely feels like the American family Norman Rockwell painted.
On top of that, it’s 2024 slamming into 2025. In every family I know “slamming” is the operative word here. Inflation, wars, and a new administration can put a strain on the “deck the halls,” festivities. And let’s not forget aging family members! That’s why I have to feature this very moving guest essay by journalist Rebecca Barry,“Alzheimer’s Can Be a World of Endless Second Chances.” I know, here I go again bringing it back to Alzheimer’s. But what I love about this piece isn’t just that it looks at cognitive decline through a non-traditional lens, it’s because it’s a brilliant example of finding the good in something that mostly feels dire.
This is more than counting our blessings, although a great start. This involves getting granular about what is good. We close a lot of our sessions singing that Chaka Kahn classic, Tell Me Something Good. We make a game out of this by inviting people to respond. They can say anything. During one of our biggest events this year in front of twelve hundred people where I had just spoken I blurted, “I got through this without throwing up!” Maybe a little too honest, but you know, you’re not supposed to edit.
So this month, at your holiday tables, long drives to grandma’s, or short, anxious flights to family reunions, in anticipation of an unwanted confrontation, here’s a suggestion from professional joy experts! Redirect the conversation by saying. “Yes! I definitely want to talk about that. But first, how about if you “tell me something good’? See what I did there? Two Improv tools that go great together! “Yes…and,” to help everyone feel seen and heard, and an invitation to focus on something, anything, positive.
May the force of laughter be with you!
