Most of you are probably too young to remember the Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire song called, “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.” It’s a duet about the minute differences in pronunciation of words - like tomato and potato - poised to ruin a relationship. With a meet-cute vibe, about breaking up and then deciding not to, it’s charming and very 1937.
The reason I mention it here is that I think of it whenever I hear people refer to a place where seniors live together as a “facility,” Not because it makes me want to break up with them, but because it makes me want to correct them as it sounds wrong to my ear. Admittedly, this is a controlling impulse. However, it’s born of having spent 6 years with seniors, and reading enough self-help tombs to appreciate the impact of the words we use.
Referring to the place where a person is living as a “facility,” sounds disturbingly like “institution” and to my ear, “penitentiary.” Neither of which is a place you want to spend your golden years. Also, it’s just way too cold a word for places where a lot of care is taken to make people feel a sense of belonging, to be physically comfortable and cared for.
I am not alone in my semantic mission! There’s a whole movement to make this distinction between a nursing facility, which sounds clinical, and a community that is rich with art and music, laughter and connection.
The good news is, you don’t have to march, vote or raise money for this movement. It’s more like a search and replace adjustment. Given the ever growing senior population I feel strongly that we have to use different language around it so we can find more joy, or at least less fear.
The closing lyrics of the Ella and Louis song surprise. They call out needing each other implying that maybe they shouldn’t break up over minor differences. Which I also love. Because ultimately as we age, we need each other more. Doing whatever we can, even down to our word choices, that makes this sound good and inviting is worth the effort!
